Dealing With Your Child's Behaviour

People say that parenting is the toughest job in the world. It will require you 24/7 of your time with no day-offs or half days. As parents, our dream is to see our children grow happy and successful. We only want what's best for them and what is worthy for them. But our children's future depend on them and on how we raise them. Their success doesn't lay in our hands. It's their responsibility and their choice. We only serve as their guidance and support.

Raising a child is a hard task but a challenging one. There are so many things to consider and many things that need to be done. One of the biggest challenges of being a parent is managing a difficult or defiant behavior on the children's part. It is important for us to raise a responsible kid. A kid with good manners and right conducts.

Some of us have difficulty in dealing with a child's behaviour. Many parents are hitting or spanking their children in order to discipline them, but what they don't know is that hitting a child won't do them good. This will cause rebellion and the child will think that hitting is permissible in any relationships. You must show your children love, tenderness, gentleness, patience and respect. Because how you treat your children is how they will treat themselves and others. 

When a child starts to misbehave, a parent needs to be more patient and more observant. There must be something wrong or something bad happened to your child that caused them to misbehave. Talk to your child. Take the time to listen earnestly to everything that your child wants to say, no matter how small or how big it is. Encourage him to ask questions and express his feelings and his thoughts. If you don't listen to the little things when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff as they grow. Because for them, all of it has always been a big stuff.

Ignoring your child whenever they make a mistake and giving rewards for them to do good are just a short -time way of fixing your child's behavior. The effects are just for a short period of time. Eventually, they will still misbehave. Look for any other ways on how to deal with their misbehavior.

Arguments always happen inside our home. We often have misunderstandings with our children. Don't argue with them. When you argue with your child, you are giving him power. Power to talk back to you and making you the wrong side. Instead, you must focus on making the behavior powerless, and then give him consequences so that you can hold him accountable.

Children are great imitators. They love to imitate or copy the things or the person that they are seeing. So give them something great to imitate. Children usually close their ears to advice, but they open their eyes to examples. Parents are the ultimate role models for children. Every word, movement and action can affect them. Other person or any outside force influence them less than the parents.

Parenting is not about controlling a child's behavior. It is about teaching children to control their own behavior.

Spend twice as much time with your child if you want him to turn out well. Teach them, nurture them. Because every home is a university and the parents are the teachers.

WHAT THE PAST 25 YEARS HAVE TAUGHT ME!!

When I was still a kid, I used to wonder what “turning 25” would be like.  I naively imagined myself as this super confident, worry-free, matured woman who wore business suits every day and had everything figured out.  But, as I turned 25 today, I have to admit that I am not completely who or where I thought I would be. The things that I have imagined, the profession that I have planned of, the sort of life that I’ve been dreaming.. everything .. it wasn’t the way I have planned it to be. But… it’s okay with me.  Don’t get me wrong. I am proud and happy of where and what I am right now.

This article is not about the things that I wish I had.. it’s not about my frustrations and regrets. This is about the things that I have learned in my 25 years of existence.

25 is a golden age. At this point in life, I already have my own set of failures, disappointments, pangs, etc. -- and each of those helped me to grow and become a better person. You see, life is not always smooth.. it’s not always positive. There are times and moments that you will feel miserable.. loads of problems and struggles will come in your way. But, remember this.. failure doesn’t mean that you must give up. No!!! Failure was made to teach you to be strong and stand again. Use them as your stepping stone towards success.

Today, I will share to you the 25 things that I have learned for the past 25 years of my life. And hey!!! Perhaps….it can help you, too!

1. Love yourself. Accept yourself. Forgive yourself.. Despite all the things that you think may be extremely wrong with you… despite all your flaws and imperfections, love yourself. Take me as an example. I am petite..not pretty..not rich. I have lots of doubts and questions about why I was born like this. But, as I grew up, my perception of life changed.  I was able to encounter people who made me realize one thing -- I can never love others wholeheartedly unless I learn to love myself. Accept that you are different from the others..you are unique. Some may be good in one thing while you are not. But, believe me… there is something that you are good at but others failed. Forgive yourself. Remember that we are not perfect.. no one is. Don’t be too hard on yourself. The best thing to do is pray..and make that mistake a lesson for you to learn.

2. Make a room for change. Hey.. everyone can change…for the better. If you think that there are areas in your life that you know and you are willing to change, go on. Always strive to be -- if not the best -- the better version of yourself.

3.Set your life goals. Have a sense of purpose. For me, setting a goal is easy but, achieving it..now that’s the challenge. Set something for yourself. What do you want to be? What is it that your heart craves to do? And when you already have them, strive for them.. it doesn’t matter how long it takes, as long as you keep pushing yourself to do it. Believe me, every morning when you wake up thinking of that goal.. you will have the drive to live and go on.

4. Choose your friends. At some point in my life, I’ve been around with people who I thought were my “friends”. I invested my love, my time and my trust. But in the end, they left me hanging. They accused me of something and they quit in my life only because I didn’t fit to be one of their friends. But..that didn’t stop me. I tattooed in my mind that next time, I must choose my friends well. They needn’t be wealthy and pretty. As long as they are true and will surely love me. Remember that there are people who will make you feel the least of yourself.. but there are also people who will reveal the better you. Choose wisely!

5. Learn to say NO. I am an extreme kind of person. And I feel like I can do everything just like Wonder Woman.  I always wanted to help, to lend a hand, to give. But, that led to people taking advantage of me. I have learned that the reason why I tried my best to do anything they asked me to is that I was afraid to be left out.. I was scared to be an outcast. Remember that saying NO sometimes doesn’t really make you a bad person. People should respect your decisions. If they won’t understand, then the problem is not in you..it’s in them.

6. Don’t stop learning. Who told you that learning is only in school??!! No. Because even if you graduate in school, there are still so much to learn. Never stop learning. Invest in books, watch inspirational movies,  have a conversation with different kinds of people, visit places, discover different cultures. Don’t stop there! There are so many wonderful things to learn!

7. Make time to do the things you love. I know, you are busy. With work, studies and family. It’s difficult to find time to do the things that you love especially if you already have bigger responsibilities. But passion fuels your soul..it lightens your heart.. so always make sure that you make time to do the things that you love whether it’s writing,  painting, singing, dancing. This will surely help you unload your stress level and can help you relax.

8. Learn how to cook. Yes… I hate to admit it but…cooking is not really my forte. Before, frying an egg is one of my frustrations in life. I couldn’t even cook a decent rice or make an edible soup. Until I decided to live with my cousin away from home. And guess what???!! I was assigned to do the cooking.  I was shocked. I asked myself…how the hell am I supposed to do that???!!! So, even if I was shy, I told my cousin that never.. not even once in my life.. I have held a ladle. And then right then and there, she taught me how. It’s good that you know how to cook even just the simple dishes so if you will soon live by yourself, things won’t be that hard for you anymore.

9. Once in a while, travel. No..it doesn’t really necessary to travel outside the country. You don’t have to go to Paris or in Hawaii if your budget won’t fit. There are still places here that you can visit to relax..to learn about their culture and way of living..to explore. It will help you open up your mind to a lot of things, opportunities and learning.

10. Manage your money. I must admit, I just learned about it recently. I am a Virtual Assistant and I am earning more than the salary of a graduate office girl here in the Philippines. But, up until now.. I don’t have my own savings. I am not materialistic.. I don’ buy gadgets and such. But I love to eat, I always give. As my husband says, I always help people even if it means “bankruptcy” to me. At first, I really don’t care because I can feel satisfaction in giving. But,.. as I witness my daughter growing up.. I realized that I should save for her…for her future. Yes, one should help those who are in need. And yes, you should share your blessings. But, also remember that you also have your responsibilities, your priorities.

11. Don’t chase anyone. May it be a past boyfriend/girlfriend, a friend, or anyone… never stoop so low that you have to change the way you are to make everyone like you. Remember the lesson number 1?? Love yourself..accept yourself. You cannot make anyone change their decision for you. No matter how great you are..no matter how nice you are..if that person wants to leave, he will leave. They don’t deserve you. Remember that the people worth chasing for are the people who will never leave you.

12. Be healthy. This may be a cliche but it’s true. Health is wealth. I am still working on this one.  Someone once told me that always being tired is not healthy. I am VA working with three clients a day. Imagine that I am spending 16 hours working in front of my laptop. And behold… I have severe iron deficiency anemia.. not to mention, asthma and heart issues… You can see my lips getting paler and paler and my skin lost that pinkish glow. So please.. don’t you dare ignore your health.

13. Stay positive. I must say this one is hard. It’s really difficult to stay positive especially when you are struggling or when you’re in the most hurting situation. But, remember this. Everything happens for a reason. God will never give you something that you are not capable of. Struggles, pain, tears, problems.. use them to grow.. to be a better person. Always look at the brighter side. Someday, everything will be in it’s proper place.

14. Be brave. In this journey, you will encounter many challenges…face tons of problems.. handle so much difficulties.. be brave. If you want to go to a place even you are alone, go. Go talk to that guy you like even if there’s a chance that he will ignore you. Because I tell you this.. nothing will happen if you won’t do anything. Stand up for the things that you believed in, even if no one believes in you. Be brave.

15. Always be grateful. In my 25 years of existence, this is the one thing that I never failed to do. Be thankful in every little thing that happens to you. Appreciate the ones who helped you in so many little ways.. Say thank you to all the people who gave you even the slightest thing. Be grateful for the life you have, for the rain, for the sun, for everything that you have. Because you wouldn’t know.. someone else is wishing for something that you already have.

16. Patience is a  virtue. Wait for the right time. Everything are already set. Be patient and know that someday, you will find what you are seeking for. Time is our best friend. He will tell you when things are ready for you. So, you just wait and enjoy the moment that you have. Smile, laugh, eat, explore. When things are meant to be, it will happen.

17. Make time for your family. This one is an easy thing for me. I hope you, too.Time passes so fast. One day, they are okay..the next day, they are gone. So while they are still around, spend time with them. Take a day off from your work. Or save Sunday nights for a family dinner. Even the slightest time will meant more for them.

18. Get enough sleep. As a VA.. I can’t get a complete 8 hours of sleep everyday. But.. this can make you unhealthy. Everyone of us needs to have a proper sleep. We all need to rest our bodies from all day working. We need to rest our brains..eyes.. and hearts. And those dark eye bags need to be terminated.

19. Forgive. In life, many people will hurt you, disappoint you, make you cry, and leave you. But that doesn’t mean that they are relatives of Lucifer fresh from hell. No. Always see the good in people. Well, I just learned about it myself. I know that it’s hard to forgive those who have caused you so much pain… but believe me.. if you will not forgive them wholeheartedly, the pain will stay there..in your heart. Forgive…because admit it. You, too, wants to be forgiven by those you have hurt, am I right? No one is perfect, everyone is entitled to do mistakes. But…you don’t have to be friends with them again if that would make you feel uncomfortable. Because forgiveness is way far from friendship.

20. Don’t be self-centered. Darling…the world is not made only for you. You have your family, friends, loved ones. And there are other people who live in this world. Don’t be self-centered. Learn to respect them…love them…

21. Be honest. Honesty is the best policy. Yes, that’s true. Be honest..not just to other people..but also to yourself. Believe me.. it would lighten up your your sufferings if you start to be honest with everything. Hey.. white lies are still lies..no matter what. Remember, the people who gave you their trust..deserves your honesty.

22. Stay humble. Hey. I am earning 25,000 pesos a month..praise me! Bow down to me! Respect me!! Oh no..dear.  Don’t do that. Be humble. In everything that you achieved..keep your feet on the ground. Remember that the world is round. Maybe you are on the top today..and the next day, you will be at the bottom. Don’t put yourself on the pedestal. Stay humble.

23. Learn to give. Money and material things.. you can’t bring them when you’re gone. Learn to give especially those who are in need. You see a beggar on the street, give. A 5 peso coin won’t make you poor. You see someone begging for food, give them food. A bread won’t make you poor. You see someone having a hard time reaching a thing, lend a hand. Trust me… if you give something from your heart, the happiness and satisfaction you will feel is incredible.

24. Love. Everyone wants to love and to be loved. Love is a strange and funny things. But..love is the most beautiful feeling you will ever have in this life. Yes..if you love..there are chances that you’ll get hurt… but, hey…. if you start to love, expect the pain. It is because you love that person that’s why you are hurt. Being in love.. you will feel unfathomable bliss. Things may not end the way you want it to be..but the important things is…you learned to love.

25. Pray. I saved the best for last. Religion has always been an issue in this society. But, I have learned to respect everyone. Hey.. your religion won’t save you. Your faith to the and only Creator will. I know we have differences in our beliefs, and I respect that. Faith comes in different forms, and people show their faith in different ways. So wherever you are, whatever your religion is.. pray. God will always be there to hear your prayers. He will never leave you.. He will never abandon you. Remember… God is greater than everything in this world.

That’s it! I know that there are still so much to learn..so much to discover. And I can’t wait for another adventure in my life. Together with my husband and my daughter..and with my faith to the Almighty One.. I know that this journey will be so much exciting. Happy 25th birthday to us!!!

Dearest..

Dearest,

How are you doing? I am hoping that you are okay. Me??? Well, I will be lying if I will tell you I am okay,.. because honestly, I am not. My life is a mess since you left.

I wanted to move on.. to forget everything that happened between us. I tried, I swear. I told myself that it happened for a reason. I keep telling myself that it’s for the best. I hanged out with my friends.. went out on dates.. so that even for a short time, I would be able to forget you. But.. who am I kidding???!!!

You’re always on my mind. Everything I do, everywhere I go.. all I can think of is you. I realized that we really had great memories together. Memories that I wished would fade away. Because.. I am hurting. I am still hurting. No matter what I do.. no matter how hard I try.. I keep coming back on the place where I first met you.

I am still longing for you. I am missing you. I still love you.

But, I know.. it’s over.

Loving still,

Me

A Secret Love Story

It was never a happy ending love story. In fact, it was never what I have expected it to be. Our story started in “once upon a time”.. And like in fairy tales, I hoped for a happy one. But..our story never had a “happily ever after”. Not like Cinderella who got married with his prince charming after she fit a glass shoe.. Not like Aurora who woke up from deep sleep after being kissed with her Prince.. Not like Snow white who overcame death after she was kissed by her true love.. Not like Fiona who was rescued by his brave Shrek. It was never a fairy tale.. It never was..

We met by chance. It was never planned. I believed that it was fate who brought us together. I was a High School student when I decided to transfer to a public school.. the school I once hated.

Everything was new to me. No friends.. no acquaintances. I thought I would be isolated for the rest of the school year. But eventually, I was able to make friends.

Like some high school girls, I was also hoping for a high school love. When I was younger, I could hear teenagers from our village talking about how "nakakakilig" it was to have a boyfriend in high school. I could see their happy faces.. I could hear them giggle every time they mention their boyfriends' names. I could feel how in love they were. So.. I started hoping, too. I started believing in love.

I had boyfriends before I transferred.And I admit, I was not really good in relationships. I often got dumped.. left out.. and hurt. I was not really sure why. Maybe..for them.. I was not good enough. I don't have a pretty face.. My body is not that fit, too. All I could be proud of is my brain. :-D ..

I was walking alone on the hallway.. spacing out. Thinking random things.. Then suddenly, I heard someone whistled. I wasn't sure if the one who whistled was aiming for my attention but, I still looked for him. And there.. I saw the most handsome guy I have ever seen in my life :-D.. OA?? Naah.. He really is good looking. With those firm black eyes.. pointed nose.. soft cheeks.. kissable lips.. (in short, makalaglag panty na kaguwapuhan)..

The guy was looking at me. :-D.. I was shy. I didn't know how to react so I just nodded at him. Then, he asked for my number. For someone who wanted to have a love life badly.. I didn't think twice :-D. I gave him my cellphone numberand walked away with a smile on my face ..

We started texting each other. We exchanged stories..shared thoughts. I never thought that someone as handsome as him would pay attention to someone as plain-looking as me :-D <3 <3 . I never expected that he was fun to talk with. He was a good listener and a great story teller. Everyday..he would spend time texting me.. And I was really happy :-D.

We often see each other at school. We were classmates, by the way. He would always smile at me and I would smile back. Though we didn't talk with each other personally, we could understand each other perfectly.

As days went by.. I fell inlove with him. <3 <3 . And I believed he felt the same way, too. HE said I was special and that he was happy when he met me. And so we started dating. He became my special one. I couldn't imagine the joy I felt that day. If only I could share this moment with my friends :-D.

We decided not to tell anyone about our relationship. At school, we never talked. We won't even throw glances with each other. We were afraid that people would judge our relationship. For us, it was best for them not to know. Every night he would come to my house. He would spend three hours with me. We talked.. we laughed.. we held hands.. Even if we never talked at school, he would always do small sweet stuffs.. like leaving chocolates and flowers on my desk.. send someone to bring me snacks during break time.. writing small notes for me :-D :-D. I was contented. I was happy. I never thought that I could love someone so dearly.

Time passed so fast and we celebrated our first anniversary. We faced struggles.. we had our own mistakes. We fought.. we had misunderstandings. But at the end.. we stayed together.

In the second year of our relationship.. we faced a huge challenge. He was really kind and good looking so it was not a shock for me if many girls were aiming for him. I was aware of the girls who had a crush on him...

The sad thing about our relationship was that I couldn't fight for him in front of the people around us. I couldn't hold his hands when someone was trying to get him. I couldn't tell those girls to back off because he's mine. I heard gossips about him having girlfriends.. Some would actually do silly things just to get him. He didn't deny.. he didn't say a word. He was so nice that he couldn't bare to hurt them. :-( :-( But... what he didn't know was that I was hurt.. it really hurts like hell.

I still stayed by his side. We still see each other every night. We talked like nothing happened.. we laughed.. we held hands. For me, being with him was enough. I decided to ignore all the gossips I heard.. I would trust him and give him all my heart.

Did you ever love someone wholeheartedly? Like.. that person became your life.? <3 <3 He became your strength and at the same time.. your weakness?? Have you ever sacrificed for the one you love? Have you ever set aside your pains for you to be able to stay by his side? If you do.. then you would understand me. :-D :-D
me :-D

I believed in what we had. .I believed in happily ever after. I hoped for our relationship to last. I hoped to be his one and only love.

I didn't want our relationship to end. We were still young that time but I was sure I loved him. he was the one I wanted to be with.. But..

My life was shattered.. My heart was broken into debris. My pain was a kind of pain that your tears won't even drop and you feel nothing. It's like the world has just ended. You don't cry.. you can't hear.. you don't want to see. And for a second.. your heart dies. I lost the concept of living.. I stopped attending classes. I drowned myself in depression.. I got drunk.. I isolated myself.. I was really miserable. And it was all because I loved him.

After how many days of living in darkness. .. it was still his face who could give light in my world. He was still the one who could give me the strength to fight..to stand up.. to fix the life that he broke. I would try to accept the fact that we were not meant for each other and we were not destined to be with each other. He was holding the hands of the one he truly loves.. and those hands were not mine. Come to think of it??!! I never really heard him say he loves me. I never asked. I was afraid to ask. I was scared...

What I could not accept was.. he tied knots with her while we were still in a relationship. I was left hanging.. I was left alone. I hoped.. I believed.. I expected. That someday.. the two of us will be together forever. The pain was so much for me to deal with.. but.. no one knows the pangs that I was going through. They judged me .. they laughed at me. They didn't know that it was because of him.. It was all because I loved him.

Days passed and we graduated. I was able to overcame the heartache.. I was able to hide my pains. I tried my best to stand up.. to pick all the pieces of my heart and pasted them together. I was still broken.. but, I was fighting. Yes.. he was my life.. he was my everything. But.. I prayed. .and I still got HIM (the Almighty) . Before graduation.. I wrote him a letter..

My dearest star,

How are you and your wife? I hope that you are having a happy married life.

..I am okay. I am going to be okay so don't worry about me. I am a fighter, you know that. I've been into so many heartaches but I am still standing up. Another one wouldn't kill me :-D ..

I just want to let you know that I loved you.. I really do. Forgetting you..and all the memories we had is hard. I want to be angry with you.. I want you to feel all the pains that I've been through.. But I think it's useless now. because I could see that you are happy. You are my life.. you are my light. That's why after losing you, I lost everything, too. But... I'm tired. I'm fed up. So.. I will try to move on. No!! I will move on.

Thank you so much for letting me love you.. for letting me experience the joy of being inlove. I was really happy during our relationship. I would not regret a single thing of what we had before. I was happy to meet you.. to be friends with you.. to talk with you.. to laugh with you..and to be inlove with you. I have already accepted the fact that it wasn't meant to be. I wish we were in Fairy tales.. So that we could both live happily ever after. Reality hurts..but this is where we belong.

You will always be a part of me. But I won't be holding on to you. I am now ready to let go of your hand that once held mine. I wish you to be happy.. to have a wonderful life with your wife. I will be okay. Don't worry.. I still believe in love. And someday, I know, I would meet my true love.

Letting you go,

He was not able to read the letter because along with my feelings..I burned it. If you love someone.. expect that pain will always be there. Until you find the one for you.. you will experience pain and heartaches. Be strong.. fight. And even if you are hurt over and over again.. please don't stop believing in Love.